FAIQ (Frequently Asked Ignorant Questions) about Adoption

I'm not trying to be mean spirited by posting this, but honestly we have already been asked some of these questions, and they are very offensive. I would never have the nerve to respond this way, but possibly if someone catches me on a 'off' day I just might. Please think before asking an adoptive parent, or even a friend who is adopted any questions such as these.



"Where is his real mother?"
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"His what? His 'real' mother ? Oh, yes. So you know. (hushed tone) Most
people aren't aware that I'm made of polyester and other non-natural fibers.
How did you find out?"


"Do you have any children of your own?"
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"No, we just hire this little girl here to act as our daughter on weekends.
You would not believe the contract her agent negotiated."


"Oh, come on, you know what I mean."
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"I'm sorry, what did you say? Did you say that I know you're mean? Well, I
suppose I do. I must say, I didn't believe it when the other mothers told
me - I prefer to make up my own mind about people - but yes, I guess now I
do know that you are, in fact, mean. Pity."


"Why couldn't you have children of your own?"
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"For the same reason you couldn't believe it when your mother told you that
someday, if you kept on asking offensive questions, someone would put their
boot so far up your butt you'd be flossing with shoelaces. It's just one of
life's great mysteries."


"Are you going to tell him that he's adopted?"
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"Oh, no. No way. And if he ever asks why he doesn't look like us, we'll tell
him that God gave him the ugly genes. Or we'll tell him that I slept around
with every guy in town and we have no idea who the sperm donor is. Or we'll
tell him to shut up and quit asking so many questions and if he doesn't like
the rules, well, it's off to the orphanage with him. But we'll never say
that he's adopted. No. Not that. Anything but that."


"You two had to adopt? Which one of you is the problem?"
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"You. You're the problem. You and all the other meddlesomeness idiots like you."


"Well, you know what they say - as soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant!"
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"True, they do say that. On the other hand, they also say that people should
think before they speak, and that doesn't always happen either."


"Can you imagine anyone giving up their child?"
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"Oh, she didn't give him up - we kidnapped him. And let me tell you, we
thank our lucky stars every single day that we managed to elude the
worldwide man hunt."


"Where is she from?"
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"Here."
"No, really. Where is she from?"
"No, really. Did you think I didn't understand you the first time?"
"Well, she looks - you know - foreign."
"And you look slower than molasses in January, but you don't see me asking
you where you're from, do you?"


"Does he speak English?"
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"Yes, but unfortunately for you, he doesn't speak moron."


"Was it just too hard to adopt a Caucasian baby?"
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"Oh, we didn't want a Caucasian baby."
"Really? Why not?"
"Because our life's dream was to be asked an endless series of >lobotomy-worthy questions by strangers so cross-eyed with racism that they
could stand in the middle of the week and see both Sundays. And look! Our
dream came true!"


"Do you know his medical history? I've heard lots of horrible stories about
that sort of thing."
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"Yes, we do. We're particularly thankful that he's not a carrier for the rude gene. That would have been horrible! Can you imagine! Walking up to
people he doesn't even know and asking them intrusive questions about their
personal life! (shudder)."


"Why didn't you adopt an American baby?"
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"She is an American baby."
"That's not what I mean. With all the children in this country who need good
homes, why would you go overseas to adopt?"
"How many adopted children do you have?"
"None."
"None? Really? Why not?"
"We had children of our own."
"You mean to tell me that with all the children in this country who need
good homes, you selfishly chose to reproduce yourselves and lower the
collective I.Q. of this country seventeen points? How do you live with
yourself?"


"I think it's wonderful that some women can adopt, but I could never love
anyone who wasn't my blood."
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"Oh, so you married a blood relative? Is that why your kids' eyes are spaced
so close together?"


"How much did she cost?"
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"How much did yours cost?"
"Well, I gave birth to my child."
"And how much did that cost?"
"I had medical insurance."
"Did you have a co-pay?"
"Why on earth would you ask such a thing?"
"Good question, you nosy lady."