Good News, Bad News, Really No New News

I've had many of you asking if we've heard any news about our adoption. I did call our agency this past Thursday, and now I wish I didn't. The news wasn't bad, but it really wasn't good either. I feel like what she had to say left me feeling even more uncertain. My question to her was, would we get our referral before the end of the year and if not what would this mean (as far as our wait time). Her response was that she could not give me an answer to either parts of my question. The agency has no idea as to the number of children that will come into their care between now and the end of the year. And if we were not to get our referral by December, the agency is still not certain when referrals will start up again in 2007. All they know is that the Korean government will not allow a child to be considered for international adoption until he or she is 6 months of age. So Holt will have to wait for the children who are waiting for a family to become of age, that are not adopted within Korea before they are placed with the agency. And again the agency will have no idea when this will take place and how many children will be placed with them at one given time. Once I hung up the phone I felt so discouraged and never has such a feeling of uncertainty came over me.

MY ANSWER TO PRAYER

This past weekend I went to the Women Of Faith conference with a group of fantastic, godly women whom I'm so proud to serve with in the children's choir ministry at our church. The conference was just what I needed to lift up my spirits and to redirect my focus on God, and not my circumstances. That I can only truly find joy and contentment if I'm dwelling in His presence daily. For me to trust in the fact that he has hand-picked the perfect child for our family. To also trust that He will reveal this marvel to us in His timing.

I need to trust more in God's timing because I was not going to go to this conference at first. We've been saving money to pay for this adoption and so I was not sure whether or not I should go. After talking with Soowan, he gave me the "A-OK"!!! Only God would of known that I would be at my lowest of lows, and what a perfect pick-me-up this conference was for me. The theme was 'CONTAGIOUS JOY' and I left the arena this weekend feeling that joy. I've never laughed and cried so much at one setting in my life. Here's a picture of the wonderful group of ladies I went to the conference with!

Well Written Letter

This letter was posted on a adoption website I frequently go to for insight and resources. I found this letter to be quite interesting, considering the author is a Korean adoptee writing to the Korean government about their current policy changes, and addressing the issue of Korea banning international adoption.

Susan Soon-keum Cox

I am responding to an article in The Korea Herald this spring regarding lawmaker Ko Kyung-hwa's proposed ban on overseas adoption from Korea. I am an adult adoptee and would like to show my perspective and hope to provide another view of these complex issues.
I was born in Korea as the war was coming to an end. My Korean mother named me Soon-keum which means "pure gold." Because of circumstances in the world at that time she made the courageous and selfless choice to let me go. I was almost 5 years old.

I was adopted by a family in Oregon whom I love and cherish. Although we do not share biology, they are my family. But it does not take away the reality that I will forever be connected to my birth mother and my beginnings in Korea.

I was 26 years old when I returned to visit Korea for the first time. It was a powerful experience that touched emotions deep inside me that I did not know were there. I wondered if I were in places I had been as a little girl; if I had touched this piece of earth before or seen what was now new and unfamiliar. Was it possible that I walked past my birth mother just a whisper away but unknown by either of us.

It was also the first time I was in an orphanage since I left my own more than 20 years before. It is impossible to prepare yourself for such an experience. I could not stop the tears as little children ran to me to be held and cuddled. I was a young mother and I thought of my own precious son and could not imagine what it must be like to give birth to a child you would not hold close to you and love daily. I also thought back to my own days in an orphanage and what it was like to be alone and scared.

As difficult as it was to see the little ones, I was devastated to meet the young men and women my age, who had stayed behind and not been adopted. As I compared my life with theirs I considered what chance of fate had made our lives so different. It was not that I had gone to the United States - it was that I had gone to a family. Whatever I had given up by leaving Korea, was nothing compared to what is given up when you do not have a family to love and care for you.

I have returned to Korea many times in the past 30 years. Whenever possible I go back to visit those men and women, never adopted, now in their 40s and 50s. They are still there - still orphans - some of them are turning gray. They are orphans with gray hair.

For several decades there have been efforts to reduce and eliminate international adoption of Korean children. It is understandable. A country as progressive and modern as Korea does not want to be considered a nation that does not take care of its children. Now there is the juxtaposition of overseas adoption with Korea experiencing the lowest birth rate in world.

I agree that as a public official you must look at both of these critical societal issues. However, one is not the antidote for the other. Financial and policy incentives to promote domestic adoption are good public policy and I enthusiastically concur with your efforts. But an immediate ban on international adoption of Korean children will not bring the "fundamental change" that you seek. It is true that such a ban as you propose will keep the children in Korea. But it will not give those children families - it will promote children living in institutions and denied the fundamental right of a family.

If it were a perfect world, every child would grow up loved and cared for by the parents they are born to. In that world I would have stayed in Korea. Several years ago I found my birth mother and learned the story of my early life in Korea. Sadly, it is not a perfect world for children, and as painful as the sacrifice for both my birth mother and the small child I was at the time, it was the right choice for both of us.

I pray for the time when every child born in Korea has a family either by birth or adoption - in Korea. But that time is not now. In spite of how modern and progressive Korean society, the truth is that the stigma of adoption is still powerful. It will change - it is changing. But it has not yet changed to meet the reality of the all children in Korea today.

Like me, there are thousands of adult Korean adoptees whose lives would have been far different if they had not been adopted by a family in another country. We are a testament to the resilience of children and the capacity of a family's love to transcend issues of race, nationality, and culture.

I will not pretend that every Korean adoptee feels positive about adoption, or that every adoption was as it should have been. But you cannot ignore the fact that having been adopted has provided adoptees with the means to question and speak honestly, and sometimes negatively, about their adoption experience. A child growing up in an orphanage does not have the benefit of that entitlement. This also should not minimize or discount that there are three generations of Korean adoptees who feel passionately about the blessing of adoption in their lives.

As Koreans "struggle to counter a dropping birthrate and aging population" I urge you not to place the burden of responsibility on orphaned children. Those children will grow up, and if they are denied the opportunity of a family, they will become the next generation of orphans with gray hair.

Susan Soon-keum Cox is vice president of public policy & external affairs at Holt International Children's Services. - Ed.



2006.08.22

THE KOREA HERALD

New Policy Has Been Passed

In an efforts to decrease adoption internationally in Korea, the government is working to increase adoption with-in the country. They have been actively doing so by decreasing the amount a children being allowed to be adopted outside the country each year. They are now going to allow singles, and older couples to adopt within the country. I have mixed feelings about this, considering that many children are given up for adoption because the mother is unwed. The social pressures are so strong on these women that they are forced by their family to either abort their pregnancy or to give their baby up for adoption.

The other major policy change that will become effective on January 1, 2007 is that the babies will not be able to be considered for international adoption until they are 6 months old. The Korean government believes that this will help increase in country adoption, but again we have a huge problem with this as well. Last year over 2000 "healthy" babies were adopted from Korea internationally. That is not taking into count the other 1700+ babies that had correctable and non-correctable medical, physical or developmental delays, that were adopted by international families.

Our thoughts are is that Korea is not going to have over 5000 families/singles applying in 2007 to adopt in country so they can eliminate the number of children being adopted out of country. We understand their reasons, and we are happy that they are making great strides in educating their people on adoption. But you're not going to erase many centuries of prejudice and tradition just by giving Korean families some extra 'won' (Korean currency) to raise an adopted child. To us we feel they are not putting these babies first. Why should these children have to wait 6 months longer to find a family when there are already over 5000 families applying to adopt these babies in the US, Canada, Europe and in Australia. Not saying that none of these babies should be adopted within Korea, but don't make these babies wait any longer than they need to while Korea is still recruiting and educating their own people.

Our agency Holt, as well as other agencies are currently trying to get this wait time reduced, and to exempt those who do have special needs from this new waiting period. The agencies are really advocating on what is in the best interest of these children, and hoping that the Korean government will ease on some of the measures they will put in to action in 2007.

What our agency is trying to understand is if these new rules will apply to those children who will be born in 2006 and who are admitted to Holt's care in 2006, but will not have all the legal paperwork done until 2007 for them to travel to their new homes. Holt believes the new rules will not apply to these children, so therefore they feel that the families (like us) who awaiting referrals for the end part of 2006 through Jan. 2007, will receive their referrals in the usual time frame, because the babies will be in their care prior to the new policy changes. So at this point Holt feels confident that our process will unlikely be effected by these new rules.

Again there are no guarantees, but we are going to have faith in what we've been told, and just trust in God that He is in control. My wonderful friend Francey told me on Sunday she is praying that we'll have peace in whatever is put in front of us. Truly we do feel that peace, and we feel your prayers. We never knew how much this process would stretch our faith and teach us on how to truly wait on the Lord.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:11-13

First Day Of The Second Grade

Today was Micah's first day of the second grade! Boy has time flown bye. We remember when he was a baby we couldn't wait until he could walk, talk, throw a ball, all those huge milestones. Now everything feels like it is moving in fast forward mode. It's funny that when our kids are small we want them to do everything sooner, faster. Then the day comes (for us it was today) that you wish they would stop growing up so quickly. Micah is a wonderful child, and so far we think we've done a pretty good job raising him. We are very blessed to have him as our son.

Possible Delay In Our Process

Be still, and know that I am God;I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! -Psalm 46:9-11 (NKJV)

We received some disheartening news from our agency yesterday, concerning the timeline of our adoption. Currently in Korea there are many new regulation changes to be voted on by their parliament concerning overseas adoptions. If some of the regulations are put into law, the new changes will take affect Jan. 07. This is an article taken from a Korean source was sent to all families in process to give us better understanding of what changes may take place, and how those changes could effect our wait time.



By Park chunk-a
Staff Reporter

To activate domestic adoption, the government has decided to allow single households to adopt a child from next year. The number of single households has been on a steady increase, accounting for percent of the total households in Korea last year Janis Ok-Jo, a ministry official, ``We have secured billion won in budgets for adoption-related projects next year.''

Also, the government will grant monthly allowance of 100,000 won to a household who adopts a child until he or she turns 18. It will also grant 2 million won in administrative fee, which is needed for adopting a child.

To raise people's awareness that adoption is another form of birth, the government will also allow two weeks of ``adoption leave'' from next year. Public officials will be allowed to benefit from the system first.

In addition, to reduce the number of overseas adoption through increase of domestic adoption, the government will pursue ``domestic adoption-first'' system, aimed at trying to match children eligible for adoption to Korean parents first for five months. Only after the five months, children can be subject to overseas adoption. According to the ministry, cases of domestic adoption is as much as 20 percent lower than overseas adoption.

``While adoption is considered as a way to carry out spirit of noblesse oblige or giving help to society abroad, Koreans tend to choose adoption for getting pure joy of rearing children,''' said Cho Min-hye, an official at the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea.

For overseas adoptees, the government will expand granting scholarships for Korean language education in universities as well as organizations and providing various services for them including housing and tourism when they visit Korea.

To enhance people's positive view on domestic adoption, the government will also mention good aspects of adoption in school curriculum.

``We find it urgent to reduce Koreans' prejudice against adoption. Other than incentive policies, we will launch various publicity activities to establish adoption-friendly atmosphere,'' said Janis.

The biggest factor that can delay our process is if the government puts into action the "5 month rule" that would start in 2007. Considering that we are on target to receive a referral of a child in Nov/Dec of this year, and under the current law the babies are available to be matched with families as soon as the birth mother signs her rights away. So most infants are matched with families at the age of 1-2 months old (under the current law).

Say if we were matched with a baby and he/she is 2 months old in Dec. 06, and the new law is put into effect for 2007, what the agency is saying is that the government could try and match that same child with a family who lives in Korea, so we could have a huge upset if this were to occur. To try and avoid such occurrences the agency will not give out referrals in Nov/Dec IF these measures are voted into policy.

No policy has been voted into law yet, so our agency says they are going to do business as usual, until they know exactly what changes will take place. They are just giving us a heads up on the matter so we're not shocked by any changes that may take place. So again we just need to wait and see what happens.

Please pray that we will be content with whatever happens, and for us not to become discouraged. We are saddened by the news, but at the same time it's not like we're not going to be able to adopt. It might be that we'll have to wait 3-5 months longer for our referral than expected. Yeah, it sucks. But really what can we do? Nothing, but pray and know that God is in control of this adoption, not us, not policy changes, not the agency, but only HIM!

Kind of a funny after thought but when I was searching for adoption resource books, I stumbled across a book titled, "Adoption Is Not For Sissies". At first I thought the title would detour families from pursuing adoption, but now I know there is much truth in that phrase.

ONE BABY-STEP CLOSER!!!

We received our acceptance from the USCIS, on our 1600A form (orphan petition)that we filed way back in March. Praise God we were able to be put on the referral list before receiving this approval. So far we've been waiting for our referral for 2 months, 1 week and 3 days. But who's counting? =) So far the wait hasn't been to bad. While Maggie was in town she went baby furniture shopping with me. I found a crib I like, but we have not purchased it yet. As far as nursery theme/decor we've seen a couple we like, but won't make any decision until we know if we're getting a boy or a girl.

So far we've chosen a boy name, but have not agreed on a girl name. If it is a boy his name will be Timothy Steven. Our top 4 girl names are Allyson, Amanda, Naomi and Tessa. The middle name will be Darline, after my best friend. I know it is spelled "wrong", but that's how her mom spelled her name and that will be the way we will spell it too!

Vacationing In Branson, MO

When we found out Maggie was coming to visit from Sweden during the 4th of July holiday, we decided that we should go on a vacation to celebrate our nations independence!!! What better place to celebrate than BRANSON, MO! There is so much to do in Branson, and it's just an "All American City"! It was nice to be in such a family friendly environment. We stayed at the Horizon Marriott Vacation Resort through our timeshare. The resort was gorgeous, and our condo was furnished in Americana decor. We all felt at home and comfortable at this resort! It had an awesome swimming pool, that Micah swam in EVERYDAY!

We went to Silver Dollar City, which to us was one of the best theme parks we've ever been to, next to Disneyland. The park had many rides, with several of them being water rides! Leaving us all wet from head to toe! Micah was tall enough to go on all the rides but one, the WILD FIRE. Soowan and I went on it, and I'll have to say you really feel the pit of your stomach in your throat when the roller coaster drops at the first turn! I just don't handle thrill rides like I use to, that's for sure!

We saw one show, The Lumberjack Competition. It was a dinner and show and both were real good. I was a lucky volunteer in the show, and I had to race my opponent by rolling a log across the stage. I won a point for my team!!! We never knew I was such a good log roller! =) My prize was a free round of golf at one of the local Mini Golf courses in town.

One of the afternoons my mom, Maggie and I drove out to Carthage, MO to see the Precious Moments Chapel. It was about a 2 hour drive from Branson, but well worth the gas. It's hard to describe in words the beauty of the chapel there. The stain glass windows were wondrous works of art! We spent over an hour in the gift shop, trying to decide on what figurines to purchase. We all bought a little something to bring home. I bought a Christmas Ornament that can only be purchased at the Chapel site. Apparently they have chapel exclusive and they are a collector's delight! We also saw the water fountain show that was just as breathtaking as the chapel!

While in Carthage we also saw a Civil War battle site at an old Court House in town. Apparently this was the site of the first battle of the Civil War in Missouri. The court house was saved, and it's still a working court house to this day. The county has down such a fantastic job preserving such a beautiful piece of architecture.

We also visited President Truman's birthplace. It is in a small town about 30 miles north from Carthage, MO. It was a humble little two bedroom farmhouse where he was born. Many of the furnishings inside were the original items owned by the family.

While us ladies were out and about, Soowan and Micah went golfing and swam! They went golfing twice at a course nearby called Thousand Hills Golf Course. There is a reason it has that name! The course literally had about a thousand hills, with a few lakes and rivers!

We thoroughly enjoyed this vacation, especially since this is the first vacation my mom, sister and I have taken together in over 15 years! Maggie returns home to Sweden this coming Wednesday, but we'll all have fond memories of the time we shared this summer in Branson!!!

Micah's First Golf Tournament

Micah played in his first golf tournament on Wednesday, June 28 2006. He played a 9 hole course at the Glenn Eagles Country Club nearby in Plano, TX. We found out about the tournament from one of Micah's friends Conner who played in it last year. It's through USKIDS Golf, an organization supporting youth golf. The course was fairly challenging for his first tournament, but Micah never became discouraged. He did not place, but played a strong game for his skill level.

Micah took up golf this past fall when we went to Sedona, AZ. We bought him his first set of clubs for his 7th birthday, and has taken some lessons this past Spring. Soowan and Micah enjoy golfing. I'm happy they have a sport they can both learn together.