The Phone Call

A year ago today I woke up knowing that 'today was the day' that we would get our travel call. I had no formal notice from our agency that we would have our travel information on Monday, April 23, 2007. What I did have was complete peace in my heart and mind from the Lord that today was the day I would know when Amanda would be home. But in all honestly the day before I did not have this peace, nor the faith that this waiting would come to an end. Let me explain...

For a few weeks prior to our call everything was in place for our sweet girl to come home. Every piece of paperwork needed to bring our daughter home had been completed. Those two weeks were the most difficult weeks of our entire adoption journey. The night before 'our call' I was at the end of my rope. I had no understanding as to why she was not home yet, or as to why we had not heard of when she would be coming home. The night before I felt broken and weak. I remember telling Soowan that I didn't think I could handle one more day not knowing anything concrete. Our entire journey was filled with complete unknowns. No time lines. No guarantees. No due date. Nothing telling us this waiting will come to an end by such and such date. I was a sobbing mess that entire weekend.

Finally on Sunday evening I went to our bedroom and laid it all before God. I was on my knees pouring out all my frustrations, fears and doubts. This was not a silent prayer, it was loud and audible and in no way I had ever prayed before in my 12 years of walking in His truth. In that time of prayer I realized how much I had not given this journey to Him. I did pray throughout our process, but not with the faith that God could move this mountain. Looking back, I now see that I laid my faith in the agency (both state-side and in Korea), those processing and translating the paperwork, those issuing the visa, etc.

In that time of prayer God took me back me and walked me through all of the darkest moments from my childhood, my youth... up to the moment when I was 21 years old and surrendered my life to Christ. He did this because at this time of waiting, I had forgotten all that He had delivered me from in the past. I was so wrapped up in the unknowns and was consumed in a complete 'fog' during our wait. I had became blinded of His power to move mountains.

I know the Lord brought be back to my time of true brokenness, to break me free from the fog of doubt that was separating my ability to see Him. For me to lay those doubts and fears before Him. To find rest in His goodness, His grace and His timing. All the things I failed to do during our four month wait to bring Amanda home. I was humbled to the core that evening.

The next morning when I woke up with a clear mind and a sense of renewal. The peace in my heart told me that today we would be notified as to when Amanda would be coming home. I had never been sure about anything else in my entire life. Today was the day we were going to get that call and my faith did not waver one bit. I was not anxious for the phone to ring, I just knew it would.

I took Micah to school that morning and went off to a doctor's appointment. I remember my appointment was at 9:30 AM and that I could possibly get the call while I was there. I told the nurse and my doctor that regardless of what all the signs said through out the office that I was going to answer my phone if it rang. They were well aware of our adoption journey and had no problem that I had the phone nearby the entire examination. After getting dressed and exiting the examination room, three nurses were standing at the door wondering if I got the call. It was so comforting seeing their excitement and joy for us. They made me promise that I would call them to let them know when Amanda was coming home.

I hurried home because I was meeting my friend Lola at my house to help me do the finishing touches in Amanda's nursery. We were having fun hanging up all the pictures and plaques we had purchased for the nursery. I remember telling Lola that the call was coming today and to please forgive me if I turn into a complete mess when I find out the date and time Amanda would be arriving. The phone had not rung all morning and the moment it rang I looked at Lola and said something like, "That's our agency.... I know it!" I ran from Amanda's room to the den and grabbed the phone and looked at the caller ID box. Sure enough it read Holt International!!! I took a deep breath and answered with a frog in my throat... "Hello..."

Sure enough it was Holt telling me that our daughter would be arriving at LAX on April 27, 2007. She did not have the exact time of her arrival and told me to call xxxx at such and such phone number. I ran to the kitchen to opened our 'everything' drawer trying to find a pen that worked! Finally I found one that would write and jotted down the number. I thanked her over and over again hung up the phone and screamed out at the top of my lungs. I remember Lola walking in with a huge smile on her face and asked if I wanted her to go. I told her "No way! You need to stay! Don't leave me here alone... because after I finish making this next phone call you might need to help me up from the kitchen floor!"

I called xxxx to get the rest of Amanda's travel itinerary and all the information regarding who to contact once we get to California, etc. I then quickly called Soowan. I think God gave him the peace that surpasses all understanding as well that day, because I didn't have to say a word... He didn't answer his cell phone not with his normal 'Hello' but immediately saying, "When is she coming home?!?!" He just knew I got the call!

If you've made it this far in reading his post... THANK YOU! I felt the need to share the doubts and the lack of faith I had during this wait. I pray that if anyone reading this and are in a place where they are consumed in a fog of fear and doubt, where they can't see... hear... feel God's presence.... CRY OUT TO HIM! Humble yourself before Him and lay it on the altar. Give it all to Him now and allow Him to carry you through the rest of your wait, your struggle, your trial. Allow Him to give you the peace that surpasses all understanding. Meditate on the things he has already given to you during your wait.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
~Philippians 4:6-8